


teach me how to breathe again

by radiodread



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 과호흡 | Hyperventilation (Manhwa), 고호흡 | Hyperventilation (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Reunions, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:15:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29300265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radiodread/pseuds/radiodread
Summary: Levi falls in love with a boy in his high school class—namely, class president Erwin Smith. They're from different worlds with very different lives, and yet, Levi finds himself drawn to Erwin in ways that probably shouldn't be possible.Nine years later, Levi's feelings still remain, with a regret of never having acted upon those feelings of his. He attends the reunion just so he can see Erwin again, and that decision leads to many interesting, shocking, and heart-breaking happenings.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 14
Kudos: 101





	teach me how to breathe again

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based on/a rewritten version of the animated short series/manhwa " _Hyperventilation_ ". I got inspired to write this piece after I found [this](https://exo-ho.tumblr.com/post/640557002518675456/hyperventilation-eruri-au-ko-fi-twitter), because the story fits them. Not just because the main character in " _Hyperventilation_ " looks a little like Levi and his love interest reminds me of Erwin sometimes. But that's... one of the reasons. Yeah.
> 
> The first three episodes of " _Hyperventilation_ " are free to watch [here](https://laftel.net/g/37902), just to get an idea of what happens. Of course, there are five episodes (+1 bonus) which you would have to pay for to see the entirety of the story between Seungho & Myeong, but it's definitely worth it. The manhwa that was released after the animation has a few more scenes, among which you also get Seungho's POV which helps to explain some of the story and actions. You can read the manhwa [here](https://manganelo.tv/manga/uj919306).

He remembers thinking that it was so goddamn cliché to fall in love with the class president, with the most popular guy in their class. It felt like the obvious thing, because Erwin is the one people notice, the one people _would_ fall for. Levi usually likes to stray away from what most other people do, but in this particular case, it seems like he was just dragged along with the others.

Except for the minor detail that he was probably the only _guy_ to have a crush on Erwin.

Levi knew he was safe, though; he and Erwin barely ever spoke as it was, as they were seemingly living in different worlds. Erwin was the sporty type: he was on the football team all throughout high school, he didn’t mind playing other sports during lunch breaks, and he always put in a lot of effort during PE. The worst thing is that he always looked really good doing all of that physical exercise.

Meanwhile, Levi was exempt from PE, much to his classmates’ annoyance and jealousy. He _did_ have a legit reason for it, one called pneumothorax that meant he had a hole in his lung which caused him to have breathing problems if he overexerted himself. Most people thought it was asthma, but Levi told them off saying that at least people with asthma didn’t have a punctured fucking lung.

His teachers would scold him for the foul language, but it did very little to change both his behaviour _and_ language. Idiots thought they could mess with Levi, but they thought wrong. It landed him in more than a few fights as a result before anyone could intervene, but that didn’t mean it came to a stop. At some point later on, some new idiot would come along to piss Levi off with an unnecessary comment, and so it’d begin again.

_“Levi’s so lucky.”_

_“Why’s that?”_

_“Well, he doesn’t have to participate in PE. He can just sit there, you know? Watch the rest of us suffer, running like idiots under the blazing sun.”_

_“Fuck off. You try living with a hole in your lung, see how fun that is.”_

_“Come on, that’s a disability. Nothing he can do about it.”_

Erwin being the class president didn’t seem like much of an issue to Levi up until that one day during class when he’d had a particularly bad coughing fit that prompted Erwin to take Levi to the nurse’s office. He’d insisted that he could get there himself, but of course, Mr. Class President had to be all high and mighty and say it was his duty _as_ their class president to take care of his peers.

Well, at least he didn’t lie and say he did it out of genuine concern.

His feelings weren’t easy to live with, but again, it was made easier by the fact that Levi and Erwin weren’t close during their high school days. Given the amount of interaction they’d had over the years, it always confused Levi why he’d had to fall for the guy in the first place, and why the feelings persisted.

Almost ten years later, and he’s still stuck with these feelings. These damned feelings of his were what made Levi decide to attend their high school reunion. His naïve high school self hoped that he could see Erwin there—that’s all Levi really wanted. Levi wasn’t close with anyone in his class, so he really doesn’t have a reason to show up other than to see if maybe Erwin will be there.

And of course, Erwin shows up.

Levi knows it shouldn’t take him by surprise, but it does, and he hates how he reacts. How his heart jumps in his chest, and how his cheeks feel warmer. How he starts fidgeting with his hands, reaching for his coat pocket. No, he only just got here, it would be strange if he were to go out again so soon. Not that it would matter; most people around him wouldn’t bat an eye if he were to leave, be it temporarily or for good.

He finds himself watching Erwin from the corner of his eye during the evening, more than just every once in a while. He only half listens to the chatter around him, which just barely keeps him from constantly rolling his eyes. There’s a lot of “what happened to you, man”, “so what are you up to these days”, “how many kids do you have”, and the like. There are a lot of awkward attempts at making conversation between people who haven’t seen each other since high school, and it almost makes Levi experience second-hand embarrassment.

Why is he here, again?

“Staying as fit as ever, class president.”

Levi hears Erwin laugh—it’s a deep, genuine laugh that makes a chill run down Levi’s spine. He hates it.

“Old habits die hard, I suppose.”

The guy whose name Levi never bothered to remember—along with most other people in his class—laughs, too. “Somehow I knew you’d say that.”

“Maybe I haven’t changed much.”

“No, you haven’t. I see you’ve continued staying popular with the ladies, too.”

Levi’s ears perk up, but he doesn’t look their way. Instead, he keeps his eyes trained on the glass he nurses between his hands, containing whiskey that he rarely ever drinks, anyway. Mostly because it tastes like smoky piss, but for some reason, some people are into that sort of thing. He only ordered it because he bothered coming here, anyway, and sitting there with a bleak beer—or worse, water—would make him stick out to the point where people would question either his choice of beverage, or him being there in the first place.

“I wouldn’t say I’m popular with them.”

“Oh, but you got _one_ , that’s something. When did you get married?”

_Married?_

Erwin Smith got _married?_

Levi dares sneak a glance Erwin’s way, and that’s when he sees the gold ring adorning the ring finger on Erwin’s left hand. It makes Levi’s stomach turn, and he’s barely even touched his whiskey. It shouldn’t be surprising—Erwin is and always has been good-looking, and as annoying his impeccability was to Levi, it really isn’t bad for Erwin. And of course, that would follow him all the way through high school up until now, where his qualities managed to land him a wife and a fucking wedding ring on his left ring finger.

Reaching for his coat, Levi stands up on legs that shouldn’t feel as wobbly as they do. Coming here was a bad idea, after all. Levi is sure now that he really only came her to make himself suffer.

“I’m going out for a smoke,” he mutters for a reason he isn’t even sure of. He wasn’t close with anyone in his class back in school, and obviously knows them a lot less now. No one’s even going to notice that he leaves; not that it matters to _him_ , of course.

Levi puts his coat on as he starts heading towards the door, and at this point, he’s leaning more towards not returning. He doesn’t count on the conversation about Erwin’s spouse being over when he returns, so he might as well just _not_ return. He’s still not even sure why he showed up to this stupid reunion in the first place, so he might as well cut the thing short.

“Where’re you going, prez?”

“I’m going out for a smoke,” Erwin replies behind Levi, who almost stops in his tracks. He doesn’t, though, and continues to quickly step into his shoes and head outside.

The night air is cool right now, but it’ll definitely get chilly if Levi sticks around longer. For now, he heads around the corner to sit down with his back against the wall as he lights a cigarette. He inhales deeply, exhales slowly through his nose, and closes his eyes briefly. Indeed, why the hell _did_ he come here tonight? Why do feelings from nearly ten years ago still persist?

“Ah, there you are.”

Levi flinches as a voice suddenly breaks the quiet around him. He curses internally, hunching his shoulders a little. Within seconds, Erwin sits down next to him, and Levi gets the urge to finally leave as he’s been thinking about since he noticed the goddamn ring. Glancing to his side, Levi sees it on the hand that rests on Erwin’s thigh, and he barely resists turning his gaze into a glare.

“I guess this is just stating the obvious, but it’s been a while. How have you been?”

Why is he here? Why did Erwin bother coming out here? Levi wishes he’d just left and not stuck around as if he was hoping for anything to happen. What _was_ he hoping for, other than to just see if Erwin would show up? Now that he knows, couldn’t Levi just have gotten up and left this reunion which he was probably only invited to because literally everyone else was.

Levi didn’t have a connection with any of his classmates back then, and now that they’ve been out of high school for almost ten years, there’s a lot less of that than there was to begin with. Which was basically zero, and the same goes for the lack of connection Levi ever had with Erwin, regrettably. At the same time, that was probably for the best, since they really _are_ from different worlds. For Levi, it’s just a crush from his youth that for some reason never went away and instead just managed to develop into something else.

“Spare me the fucking small-talk; neither of us need it.”

Erwin huffs. “If you say so. Can I bum a cigarette from you?”

Turning his head, Levi faces Erwin, who looks absolutely serious about the question he’d just asked. Levi snorts quietly, and he shrugs before pulling his pack out of the pocket on his coat.

“Didn’t know you smoked, class president,” he drawls.

“I didn’t know _you_ smoked either, Levi. Are your lungs okay now, or do you just have a death wish?”

Levi raises an eyebrow at the pointed question. He also can’t help but react to the fact that Erwin remembers his name when no one else probably bothered to. Not even the person who organised this thing and invited Levi would’ve had to remember his name—all they needed to do was to go down the list of names of their classmates, and take things from there.

“Not that it’s any of your fucking _business_ , but my pneumothorax healed on its own a while back.”

“I see, that’s good.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Can I borrow your lighter, too?”

“What?”

“A lighter. For the cigarette?”

God, this insufferable prick. Why did he even come out here if he didn’t have neither cigarettes or a lighter of his own? He must’ve known. But there’s no way he could have. Or did he just get up and follow Levi because he heard Levi was heading out? He _did_ straight up copy Levi’s leaving line, so that must be it. He’s just a creepy stalker, for whatever reason.

Levi sighs irritably, and he hands over his lighter while at the same time scooting a few inches away from Erwin in the same movement. Erwin lights his cigarette, returning the lighter to its owner, and then he turns his head to look straight ahead of him, at a town that’s slowing down to a lull in the late hours. Levi looks away, too, because he knows he’ll be screwed if he keeps his eyes on Erwin any longer.

“You know, aside from the fact that you smoke these days, you haven’t changed much,” Erwin says after a while of very uncomfortable silence. Levi usually likes silence, but this one was just suffocating, deafening.

“I can say the exact same thing about you.”

Erwin laughs. “I figured you would say that. Would you care to come back to my place tonight?”

 _That’s_ a sudden development. Levi fights the urge to turn his head and stare incredulously at Erwin, and instead, he focuses really hard on the way he’s tied his shoelaces. There’s nothing out of the ordinary there, the same type of knot he always does. It still beats losing his ability to think, talk, and act by just looking at Erwin, though. Levi knows that he said he didn’t care for the small-talk, but this is more than just cutting corners. This is skipping straight from the intro to the middle of a book or a film without knowing what the hell happened between those two points.

Why would Erwin want anything to do with Levi _now_ , after all these years? They were never close in high school—Erwin always just felt this stupid sense of protectiveness when it came to his classmates just because he was the class president. It was really just a title that allowed him to write down the names of troublemakers and report to their homeroom teacher, and it also put him in charge of a few other stupid tasks that no one else wanted to do, anyway.

But Levi and Erwin were never anything more than classmates. For them, it really _was_ just a relationship established on paper—classmates is all they were. And yet, Erwin makes this suggestion. Does he just do that with anyone he comes across, is he _that_ unhappy in his marriage? Levi can’t bring himself to ask about it, though. Whatever Erwin chooses to do with his marriage is his thing.

And hey, Levi can’t say that he hasn’t wanted this since they _were_ in high school. He’s got nothing to lose while, apparently, Erwin does. He isn’t dumb; he’s probably aware of that, but maybe he either just doesn’t care or he’s confident he won’t get caught.

So, both of them end up abandoning the high school reunion, and they head to Erwin’s apartment. Thankfully it’s just a short ride away in a taxi Erwin, of course, insists on paying for. Erwin seems to respect Levi’s wish of not having any small-talk, because he doesn’t do any of that while they’re in the taxi. And for some reason, it makes Levi feel almost uncomfortable. It just feels so unlike Erwin to _not_ blab people’s ears off, even though Levi did say he didn’t care for the small-talk.

With the fast development that seemingly occurred within the span of mere minutes, Levi isn’t surprised when Erwin pushes him up against a wall the second they enter Erwin’s apartment. It’s frustratingly easy to kiss Erwin back, frustratingly easy to get lost in the moment and not want to get out of it. At the same time, Levi _wants_ to escape just because he knows how difficult that’ll be the longer he sticks around.

But Erwin holds him there, practically pinned against the wall in the hallway. He nibbles and bites on Levi’s lower lip, and Levi reciprocates with just a little bit more force, moaning into Erwin’s mouth as Erwin lets a hand travel south along Levi’s body. Levi shudders at the touch, at the sensation of Erwin’s rough but intimate touch. He allows himself to be absorbed in the way Erwin’s lips feel against his, against his neck, and collarbones.

“You’re so lucky, Levi,” Erwin murmurs into Levi’s ear, and that’s all it takes for something inside Levi to come to life, where hesitation makes its presence known. His eyes fly open, a gasp leaves his lips, and Levi reflexively pushes Erwin away from him, his hands on Erwin’s shoulders.

He notes the tremble in his fingers, and hates the reactions Erwin is so effortlessly dragging out of him. It feels like it was mere minutes ago that Erwin bummed him for a cigarette, seconds ago that he’d had his back shoved up against the uncomfortable, cold brick wall of the building next to the bar they’d had the reunion at. Things moved so fast, and while Levi prefers not to dawdle, this is really something else. This could just be something he cannot have.

“I can’t do this,” he says, and he still can’t look at Erwin.

A certain memory from high school comes to mind, and it’s enough to stop Levi in his tracks. He remembers jeering looks, whispers, scoffs. He remembers hearing his own ragged breathing and coughing, feeling his heart thud harshly against his ribcage, cold sweat running down from his neck down along his spine inside his T-shirt, and it hadn’t even been a particularly hot day. Why he remembers these details, Levi doesn’t know. But he does, and now that it comes back to him, it’s as vivid of a memory as ever, as if it happened not nine years ago, but yesterday.

Levi remembers Erwin’s touch and the look in his eyes. Concerned, not taunting like their classmates. A gentle tug on Levi’s wrist to get him to stand, and then they were walking with long strides across the yard back into the school building, hurried steps steered towards the nurse’s office. The worst thing is that this wasn’t the first time Erwin took Levi to the nurse’s office, either. Levi remembers the first time as well as he remembers this one, but he doesn’t know if this particular memory is the second time or if it’s even further down the list.

As it got worse, Levi’s breath hitched in his throat, and he had fallen to his knees when they were almost to their goal. His lungs had been burning, eyes stinging with tears, body aching, heart pounding with something unfamiliar and _uncomfortable_. The worst part of it was that he was starting to struggle with identifying what symptoms were caused by what, aside from the obvious coughing. His relative inability to breath could very well be caused by Erwin’s proximity, or it could be because of that cursed hole in Levi’s lung.

He didn’t want Erwin there. He wanted to be alone, didn’t want anyone around when he was like this. And yet, he didn’t have much of a say in the matter because his condition never took his wishes into account. It would remind him of its cursed presence at times most inconvenient, when Levi absolutely didn’t want to gasp for air with the help of a punctured lung, when he didn’t want to cough so violently that his ribs would start to hurt as if he’d physically hurt them.

“Why? I know you’re into me.”

Levi turns his head and stares at Erwin as the voice drags him back to the present. “What?”

Erwin smiles. His left hand travels up Levi’s arm, caresses the skin it touches as if it were a fragile material, and all the while, Levi watches the gold ring around Erwin’s ring finger as it, too, travels further up. The right hand, however, gently but firmly pulls down Levi’s trousers, and Levi’s breath hitches in his throat when Erwin’s hand grasps his length. “I know you came to the reunion just to see me. You don’t have any friends from back then.”

“This isn’t fucking f— _ah_ ,” Levi manages unintelligibly when Erwin’s grip tightens temporarily around the base before he starts stroking Levi up and down.

“I also know you were looking at me more than just a handful of times when we were at the bar,” Erwin continues, his husky voice doing nothing to lessen Levi’s arousal. His right hand stops moving, and it almost makes Levi disappointed. “Do you want me to stop? I’ll do whatever you want, Levi.”

That sentence in and of itself is practically enough for Levi to bark out a ‘don’t stop’, but his tongue gets tied in his mouth, and anything he could’ve said dies in his throat before it can come out past his lips. He exhales a shaky breath, furrowing his brow, and he closes his eyes in lieu of responding to the question.

“Do you want me to stop?”

Levi doesn’t want Erwin to stop. He opens his eyes, chewing on his lower lip briefly. There’s a challenging, almost mischievous glint in Erwin’s eyes that Levi despises with every fibre of his being, but he also finds it incredibly attractive. Something within Levi awakens, like a light that comes on but it’s a dimmer instead of the traditional button; it’s slow but definitely noticeable, and it turns silhouettes into recognisable shapes and figures.

This fucking man.

He throws his arms around Erwin’s neck, pulling Erwin closer for a kiss, and he immediately takes the liberty of deepening it with his tongue. Luckily for him, Erwin is of the same mindset, but Erwin is also the one realistically in charge of the situation with Levi’s goddamn cock in his hand. It’s still very much what high school-age Levi dreamed of, being on a constant high on pubescent testosterone and irrational romantic and sexual feelings for his classmate. There’s just something that prevents Levi from going further, from assuming more control of the situation, like a barrier. It’s perfectly visible in all of its golden glory, it pisses Levi off, and he wants it out of his sight so he can at least temporarily forget.

“Take off your ring.”

Erwin is visibly taken aback by the command. He tilts his head to the head slightly, offering a small smile.

“Does it bother you?” he asks. “Sure, I’ll take it off. It’s no problem… really.”

Levi doesn’t know what Erwin means by that, but he doesn’t care to know. As long as he doesn’t have to see it and be constantly reminded of its existence on Erwin’s left ring finger, of _someone’s_ existence in Erwin’s life in a way Levi always desired for himself. As long as it’s out of the way, he’s satisfied. As long as it’s out of the way, he can pretend it doesn’t exist.

* * *

It was always hard for Levi to believe that they’re the same age, but the same goes even now, nine years after they graduated high school. Erwin has kept his impressive physique; he’s probably working out regularly to stay in shape the way he used to even back then. Maybe it’s just an old habit that won’t die. Levi thinks back to the line ‘ _old habits die hard_ ’ that Erwin had told one of their former classmates not that long ago. Habits aren’t the only things that are hard to get rid of—feelings seem to be of the same nature.

Levi stands on his knees on the bed, balance kept in check thanks to Erwin embracing him from behind as he carefully stretches Levi out before going in. It feels strange that Erwin is so careful, that he doesn’t just go for it, that he doesn’t throw his inhibitions and that transparent sense of concern out the window. Why bother even now? Levi is constantly puzzled by Erwin, the way Erwin asks if he’s hurting, if he’s okay, the way soft kisses are pressed to Levi’s shoulder and neck. He dislikes how much he enjoys it, how much the constant touch and intimacy makes him feel at ease, while at the same time, it makes him want to run away.

Everything has been strange since they met up again a few hours ago, and the trend continues. Even so, Levi can’t pull away, can’t run away. He’s intrigued by it all, by Erwin, by what’s about to happen next. It’s strange, so strange, but that has always been the case with Erwin.

Levi sucks in a sharp breath when Erwin slowly pushes inside, and then, he feels another kiss to his skin.

“I’m gonna move,” Erwin murmurs into Levi’s ear, and it takes about a second after he’s finished that sentence before Erwin does as announced.

His back goes taut, eyes slip shut, but Levi’s mouth stays agape as an elongated gasp makes its way past his lips. His breathing becomes stuttered when Erwin moves; even though the pace is slow, Levi feels it in every cell of his body, feels it with all of his muscles tensing and relaxing with every movement. A hand is placed on his back, and suddenly, the right side of Levi’s face is flush against the mattress as Erwin pushes him down. Two strong hands pull Levi’s hips closer, and when Erwin resumes his thrusting, Levi muffles his moans into the duvet.

There are a lot of things going on at once, and it’s borderline overwhelming. The stimulation of Erwin repeatedly hitting Levi’s sweet spot while stroking his cock, kisses continuously planted to Levi’s shoulder and nape in the most gentle way, the reverberations of Erwin’s husky voice making Levi tremble all the way down to his core, the way Erwin’s hands are almost frustratingly gentle—

Why _is_ he that gentle and caring? They barely know each other as is, never did. It’s confusing, it’s _nice_ , and it drives Levi up the wall. Not that he should complain much, really, since the sex is fantastic. He’d expected as much, but to actually experience it is an entirely different story than just imagining it. As much as he wants to hate the intimacy, the touches, the kisses… Levi can’t hate any of it. He feels intoxicated by it, wants more of it, doesn’t want it to stop. His high school feelings have turned into something else, something deeper, uglier—and that scares him.

Because there’s still the cold hard truth that Erwin is _married_ , he’s got someone by his side whom he’s sworn to stay with until death do them part. When Levi lifts his head from the mattress, even just a little bit, he sees the wedding band placed on the nightstand, and he feels like it’s mocking him. Here he is, having become a guy Erwin fucks on the side because he isn’t satisfied with what he already has. Is that something to be proud of? Levi feels disgusted with himself.

And yet, he can’t pull away, he can’t tell Erwin to get off him. Because he _wants_ this, after all—he’s wanted it for over a damn decade. How can he _not_ take the chance if it’s presented to him like this? At the same time… why is he so weak to Erwin? Why does he have to have feelings for someone whose heart already belongs to someone else?

Levi feels disappointed when Erwin pulls out. He’s spent, absolutely, and really shouldn’t be able to think about anything right now, but he is. In the corner of his eye, Levi watches Erwin disappear out of the bedroom briefly before he returns to help Levi clean up. Once again, those gentle hands are all over Levi albeit in a very different way than just moments ago, and as much as Levi wants to swat them away, he doesn’t move. A nauseating feeling is starting to settle in the pit of his stomach now that the sex is over, now that the bubble has burst. He had his moment, and now it’s gone.

Erwin returns to bed not long after, and he slings an arm around Levi, which makes Levi wince. He shifts a little so that he lies on his back, and he isn’t surprised to notice soon that Erwin has already fallen asleep. The deep breathing turns into quiet snores, and Levi exhales a long sigh. He doesn’t mean to fall asleep, but there must be something about the even rhythm of Erwin’s breathing that lulls Levi to sleep, too.

When he comes to, it’s thankfully still dark outside, and Erwin is fast asleep. Levi untangles himself from Erwin as carefully as he can as to not rouse Erwin from his sleep, and then Levi crawls out of bed.

On light feet, he navigates through the dark to retrieve his clothing scattered about the bedroom floor. He brings it all with him in an undignified pile in his arms out of the bedroom, deciding to get dressed after he’s freshened up a little in the bathroom. He doesn’t feel gross thanks to Erwin’s aftercare, but he still feels the need to wash _something_ off. Wash Erwin’s traces off, maybe.

Erwin’s apartment doesn’t look like it houses two people. The bed would certainly signal such an arrangement as it’s way too big for just one person, but most everything else makes the apartment feel like it’s just Erwin who lives there. Maybe this is where he takes people like Levi, people who are just his way to escape for the night, before he returns back to that wife of his.

Levi wonders what kind of person she is. Erwin could get _anyone_ : he’s charismatic, kind, attractive, obviously has a well-paying job considering his clothing. But he’s also incredibly smart, so he hasn’t gotten married to someone ordinary. Whoever she is, Levi harbours immense jealousy towards her even though they’ve obviously never met. That isn’t necessary. When he’s been in love with the same man for over a decade, anyone who would get Erwin instead of Levi is someone for him to automatically detest.

He freshens up and gets dressed quickly, and then heads out of the bathroom. He can’t turn on any lights since it might wake Erwin, and Levi doesn’t want things to get more complicated. It’s better that he leaves now than when Erwin is awake, aware, and able to convince Levi to stay. He can’t stay, not when there’s someone else in the picture.

It feels like it was days ago that they met at the bar, among all of those people they used to go to school with. In reality, it was merely a few hours ago, and the reality of that is hard for Levi to accept. The more difficult thing to accept is that this is the first time he’s seen Erwin since high school, but it’s also the last time they’ll see each other. There’s no reason for them to meet again, because they both have different agendas that clash horribly.

And besides, Levi would hate to be the person Erwin escapes to, but doesn’t stay with.

He exits the apartment and steers his steps towards the train station with the help of his phone’s map application. Thankfully, it isn’t a long walk, so he’s there within ten minutes. Ten minutes since he was at Erwin’s apartment. Ten minutes since Levi decided it was the last time he saw Erwin.

Standing on the train platform, Levi looks up at the electronic board to see when the next train arrives. Five minutes. Five minutes is plenty of time to start thinking and overthinking things.

He inhales through his nose, closes his eyes, exhales. Levi lifts a hand and lets his fingers run through his hair, and that’s when he notices it. It’s strange how he hadn’t noticed it earlier, for instance when he had been freshening himself up in the bathroom because it’s so obvious now that he feels it, sees it as he lowers his hand again. The light from one of the platform lamps bounces off the golden ring on Levi’s left ring finger, making it look gorgeous. The sight makes Levi’s heart stop beating.

_“You know, aside from the fact that you smoke these days, you haven’t changed much.”_

_“I know you’re into me.”_

_“I also know you were looking at me more than just a handful of times when we were at the bar.”_

_“I’ll do whatever you want, Levi.”_

_“Does it bother you? Sure, I’ll take it off. It’s no problem… really.”_

Levi’s breath hitches in his throat, and then his heart resumes its beating. He turns around so fast he almost loses his footing, but he stays upright, and then Levi runs. He runs down the stairs, out of the station, down the street again towards Erwin’s apartment building. He would’ve never been able to run like this, to exert himself like this, back in high school. But now, years later when the hole in his lung has healed, he’s able to run all the way back to Erwin’s without feeling like dying, at least from the physical exercise that running entails.

He stops just across the street from the building, because Levi doesn’t know what to do now. His vision is blurry and his heart aches, longs, for Erwin. Levi bends over and places his hands on his knees, catching his breath. This might be the dumbest thing he’s done in a while, because he knows there’s nothing for him to gain here other than something fleeting, temporary, something— _someone_ —who will never be his.

“Levi!”

Levi looks up at the familiar voice calling his name. He straightens his back and intends to turn around and run, but his legs won’t do as he wishes. Instead, Levi stands still, and he stares at Erwin across the street. Erwin looks back at him for a moment, and Levi can’t quite make out the expression on Erwin’s face because of the distance between them. But then Erwin smiles, and he quickly closes the distance between them, walking towards Levi.

“I…” Levi begins. “Because of the ring, I—”

“I’m so glad,” Erwin interrupts, still smiling. “I thought you were gone for good.”

Before Levi can react and respond, Erwin takes Levi into his arms, and Levi feels Erwin pepper kisses to the top of his head. He loves Erwin’s touch as much as it makes him want to flee; it’s a strange feeling that makes him feel like he’s losing his mind. How can two such contrasting feelings exist alongside each other?

“You see,” Erwin continues, “the ring… it’s just for show.”

Levi furrows his brow. “What?”

“I wear it so that people won’t ask me about my love life. If I pretend like I have someone already, no one says a thing.”

“So you’re… you’re not…”

“I’m not married,” Erwin murmurs into Levi’s hair. “I really only ever had my heart set on one person. I almost let him slip away, too.”

Levi huffs, nuzzling his cheek into Erwin’s jacket. “Did you, now?”

“Come back with me? I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Just don’t… disappear on me again, Levi.”

Almost all of the missing pieces of the puzzle fall into place, just like that. Levi sees the picture that the puzzle is depicting, but the missing pieces are still very much obvious. He knows Erwin holds those last pieces, and it’s up to him whether or not he wants to complete that puzzle, if he wants the image to be whole.

And he does. So Levi follows Erwin back to the apartment, Erwin’s ring still on his left ring finger.

* * *

Levi always sat by the window in their classroom, towards the back, almost invisible. Even so, Erwin always noticed him, always acknowledged his presence when others didn’t. He used to find Levi fascinating, but never quite figured out why that was. Even so, Levi felt unapproachable. Not because of his foul language, because of his occasional outbursts at people who started arguments or fights with him. But perhaps because he may have _wanted_ to keep people away from him—that’s the impression Erwin got.

He remembers the first time he’d taken Levi to the nurse’s office, when she hadn’t been there. Erwin had helped Levi get through his hyperventilation episode, gotten him to calm down, and as they went back to the classroom together, Erwin felt something. It was just a spark, nothing tangible, nothing recognisable. Not yet. It would take a while and a few more short interactions for Erwin to realise that he felt something for Levi that he didn’t feel for anyone else.

Like a normal high schooler romantically interested in another person, Erwin would often sneak glances Levi’s way. It was convenient for him since he could look Levi’s way without having to turn his head much, making him less obvious. He remembers seeing Levi’s awe-struck expression once as the sound of thunder had frightened the entire class with its sudden noise. Levi had been listening to music through his in-ear headphones, seemingly in his own world at the moment it happened, and when the class started murmuring around them, Erwin had asked them to be quiet. All the while watching Levi.

It’s a good thing he had some sort of authority as the class president, or he would’ve never been able to experience the sound as rain started smattering against the windows, and he would’ve never been able to hear Levi’s sigh of relief as it happened, though one thing is for certain—Erwin could’ve at least seen that little smile that curved the corners of Levi’s mouth upward. It would have been to loud around him that he would’ve missed such a magical happening. It became the moment during which he’d realised that his feelings were not to be taken lightly, that they wouldn’t fade away anytime soon.

Erwin remembers the day of their graduation. He’d spent over a year not doing anything about his feelings, knowing they wouldn’t be reciprocated, and now, he’d had to watch Levi leave that school for the last time. One last time, Erwin watched Levi walk down the corridors from their classroom, and as a tear escaped and rolled down Erwin’s cheek, he lamented every single moment he’d let slip by where he could’ve done something to assure Levi would be his.

Life didn’t feel the same after high school. Erwin would go onto have a decent job with decent pay, and his life was simple. He rarely had anything to worry about, which he knows he should be thankful for. Even so, something was always missing, and though Erwin knew perfectly well what it was, it also felt strange to him that it would mean that much. That _Levi_ would mean that much. Their interactions hadn’t been many in comparison to those Erwin had with others in his class, but every single one of those interactions and times of proximity had still felt special, somehow.

Love didn’t make sense to Erwin in high school and even now, ten years later, it still makes very little sense.

The day that he’d gotten the invitation to the high school class reunion was when a spark of hope ignited within him again. It had been so long, would Levi even remember him? Would Levi even _go_? Levi didn’t hang out with anyone in his class in high school, so it was unlikely that he’d show up. Even so, Erwin mentally prepared himself for the possibility of him getting to see Levi again. If he did, he’d make sure to not make the same high school mistake again.

Levi was as unapproachable and hard to get a hold of as Erwin remembered him to be. His little spark of hope had grown with the realisation that Levi must’ve attended the reunion for _him_ , because, again—Levi didn’t have any friends in their class. There would’ve been no reason for Levi to go, and yet he did. Having his suspicions confirmed made Erwin even more sure of what he wanted, and so he decided to leap into the unknown.

Erwin knows Levi would call him a creep for watching Levi sleep, but Erwin can’t help it. Seldom did he ever get to see Levi like this, so calm, his facial features ironed out and not scrunched up, eyebrows not furrowed, eyelids closed over eyes that would usually glare or scowl. He looks peaceful this way, and the sight makes Erwin fall even more in love. Ten years did nothing to diminish his feelings, so he’s sure that Levi isn’t someone he wants to let go of again.

He looks at the nightstand by Levi’s side of the bed, and then Erwin slowly, carefully gets up on his elbows to reach over Levi towards it. When his fingers touch the ring, Erwin grabs it, and brings it back to himself. He looks down at Levi’s hand resting on the duvet, and he braves himself to take it gently in his own, softly pressing kisses to Levi’s fingers.

Levi doesn’t wake, doesn’t even stir. It’s probably for the best, because Erwin doesn’t trust himself to be this honest with Levi when he’s scared Levi will run away. If he’s asleep, he’s still here. If he’s asleep, Erwin can tell him anything.

“I’ve liked you since then,” Erwin murmurs against Levi’s fingers. “If I told you… would you believe me?”

_Would you think I’m lying?_

* * *

It took time, money, effort, and patience for it to happen, but now, Erwin’s apartment looks like it houses two people, not just a single person. The other difference between then and now is that he _doesn’t_ live alone, since Levi is there now, too. Levi takes all of the credit for making Erwin’s apartment seem more like a home than a place where one merely eats, showers, and sleeps. It’s _liveable_ now, and though almost none of it was achieved with the help of his own money, Levi was still the one who made things happen.

It’s still a little difficult for Levi to get used to the much higher standard of Erwin’s apartment in comparison to the one Levi used to live in before Erwin asked him to move here, and maybe it’ll take a little while longer to get used to this entire situation. He doesn’t mind it though; Levi finds comfort in the domesticity of his new life with Erwin. It feels like his life is finally a lot more stable—certainly not perfect, but he’s better off than he was before he reunited with Erwin.

He won’t admit that to Erwin, though, because Erwin doesn’t need more material to feed his ego with.

Levi wakes up before Erwin most of the time, but that doesn’t mean Erwin sleeps late. It’s just that Levi tends to wake up at nearly ungodly hours because he’s been used to it for work for so long. Now that he’s switched to a slightly better paying job with more benefits and reasonable work hours, he doesn’t have to wake up that early anymore. Of course, old habits die hard, as Erwin once put it.

On a Sunday morning when Levi has once again woken up before Erwin, he allows himself to just observe his partner, study his features and engrave them into his mind. He does this every once in a while, and Erwin has yet to catch him like this. This morning, Erwin seems to be having a particularly bad dream, because his eyebrows draw together every now and then, and his eyes move rapidly underneath his eyelids; sometimes, they twitch.

For Levi, it’s been quite a long time since he last remembered a dream. He supposes he just doesn’t dream often, or the dreams disappear from his mind the moment he wakes from his sleep. It doesn’t matter, though. Dreams are only dreams, and even if they’re good ones, they won’t do him any good but potentially plant false hope within him. In the case of nightmares, it’s a lot better that they _are_ just dreams, because that means that no matter how bad a nightmare gets, it’s still not real.

Levi winces with surprise as Erwin suddenly wakes with a gasp. A stray tear falls down over his nose and drips down onto the pillow, and Levi furrows his eyebrows with concern at the sight.

“You okay?”

Erwin’s slightly panicked breathing slows down. He closes his eyes briefly, and then he shakes his head. “It was nothing. Just a dream.”

“… What was it?”

“Oh, it doesn’t matter.”

“Just tell me. Is it embarrassing? Scary?”

Erwin exhales slowly through his nose. Seems like it was more than ‘nothing’ from what Levi can see. “I dreamt of the day we graduated high school.”

“… Okay.”

“I dreamt of how I had been watching your profile, and I remember thinking of how… disappointed I was in myself for never having taken the chance to get to know you better. And then I had to watch you leave.

Levi resists frowning, but instead sighs. “That’s all in the past, Erwin.”

“I know that, and I know it was just a dream. But… the morning after the reunion when I woke up alone, I thought of that, and I thought that I’d had you but then let you go. Again.”

He remembers so well the regret that was born within him as they got closer to graduation, and how it had just continued to grow roots as weeks turned into months, turned into years. Levi knows it certainly wouldn’t have been impossible to get in touch with Erwin again since he could’ve just looked him up on the internet—he’d even thought of doing it several times. But something stopped him in the end, and maybe it was doubt, maybe it was some sort of shame. Erwin might have felt something similar, and that might be why neither of them got in touch until the reunion.

A decade was a long time to spend apart, but now, it feels like they’ve almost entirely bridged that gap between them. Despite being from different worlds, having been brought up under very different circumstances, Levi quickly came to realise that they’re deep down very similar, after all. And maybe that could offer some sort of explanation as to why Levi was so easily drawn to Erwin back then, and why he still is.

“I’m here,” Levi says, and Erwin offers him a warm smile in return.

“You won’t go anywhere, will you?”

Levi raises his eyebrows, but then he huffs a quiet laugh. He pushes lightly on Erwin’s shoulder so that Erwin lies on his side completely, and then Levi places a hand on Erwin’s chest.

“No,” he replies. “I’ll be here.”

Erwin huffs, smile growing wider. He leans in, and Levi meets him in a kiss that he normally wouldn’t allow given the fact that neither of them have brushed their teeth yet and he finds morning kisses gross. But right now, Levi doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about anything other than the fact that Erwin is right here in front of him, with him, and it’s all he wanted ever since he was still a teenager in high school.

Changes are normally good, but in this instance, Levi is glad things stayed the same all those years, because it led him here. It led him home.

Next to Levi on the nightstand, two golden rings lay next to each other, the sunlight streaming in through the blinds reflecting off them.

*****

**Author's Note:**

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